I Need You Like A Heart Needs A Beat

:D

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 02:57:09 GMT

It's nice to feel fine again.
It's nice to know that I'll be fine again.
It's nice to stand up again.
:D

california's sunshine =)

Home

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 01:07:59 GMT

Omg, I am finally home.

It feels so good to be home; it feels so safe to be home. It feels so good to get away with everything for now.

It's not like my heart doesn't ache, it's not like I did well on my finals, it's not like my father is not going to be an ass, but you know, at least, it's home, it's where I am the safest, where I can protect myself from getting hurt, where I can trust everybody with my heart. Every time I think how he's with her, my heart just breaks into little pieces even more, I don't want to think about it, but I can't stop thinking about it.

But at least, I'm home...I never knew I could miss California so much, I never knew I could miss the sunshine so much, I never knew I could miss my home so much, I never knew I could miss my mom so much...

Emily was right, at the end, no matter how nice he is, I still couldn't trust him with my heart. It was the niceness that killed me. Right now, I'm so tired... I am so broken,.. I guess I just want to sleep, and wake up to realize that this is all a dream, and to know that everything is fine. But everything is NOT fine; they are GOING to be fine, but they are not fine right now... I am NOT fine, but I know I WILL be fine, but just not right now. I don't know what you can do, or what I can do...there's nothing that can be done, I just need to be... Maybe in seven weeks, I will be fine, but just not right now....

So.

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 05:19:45 GMT

So I haven't been on this thing for over a year, and I was never gonna write one this thing again, until I read Maria's journal. It made a difference. I think.

So I have complained so much about Troy High School, about how I will never, ever ever go back to that school ever again; how I hated everything in that school and about that school; how I hated every subject and every teacher...maybe not EVERY teacher, but most of them were so difficult. Then I came to college, I came to a place I knew nothing about, a place that I don't really care about; a place that doesn't care about me; a place where I care about no one; a place where no one cares about me. It suddenly feels like Troy wasn't too bad. Yes, the courses were hard; yes, the tests were unreasonable; yes, we had to pull all nighters 24/7, but at least I wasn't alone. No one was alone. We had different groups, so what? The point is we HAD groups. Here in this so called college, where I am always surrounded by people, but I feel more lonely than ever.

Maybe it just takes time, you know? Maybe time will do me well. But the thing is...how long is it gonna take?

I miss home more than I thought I would. I miss those people more than they'll never know.

October 12, 2006

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 19:54:41 GMT

so i have a physics test today, and i yes im screwed...

why cant b one of smart kids that dont have to study and get A's ...

maybe i shud do my hw next time everyday..

sat on saturday..w00t..

i find myself sitting here, and can't get my mind off him..i tried.. i'll try harder..

--lorry

skool

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 07:01:07 GMT

skool has started..sucks as usualy

April 29 2006

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 04:03:59 GMT

december 29 2005

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 21:40:47 GMT

after all the thinking, concerning, and after i got tired of trying 2 b friends w/ him again, i still care about him so much, argh, bs!!

november 11, 2005

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 22:12:08 GMT

i hate him for making me love him so much

november 05, 2005

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 05:24:57 GMT

OMG, I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!
the last time i really talked to him is like couple weeks ago, i miss talking to him, so much.....

october 25, 2005

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 22:01:00 GMT

i asked him yesterday if he was coming back to band, he said no, he said he wasnt hundred percent sure, but like ninety nine percent sure...
i cant imagine band live w/o him tho....it would b hard...

october 12, 2005

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 09:58:29 GMT

i heard:
janet+jessie
sehreen+george
elise+andy
awww...how cute, finally sehreen and george, =]

i still cant put him down...

october 07, 2005

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 03:50:28 GMT

SAT tomorrow, =], im taking sat subject chem, lolz, cant wait its over, after its over, if i do good on it, which means over 780, im not gonna take it again, if i do bad on it, i mite take it again. but after its over, im gonna study for sat chinese and sat math, and skool craps, and ap calc and ap physics, i'll study really hard, =]...

october 05, 2005

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 05:05:55 GMT

ruff day, ruff life
alan is cool, but i still like him..

october 04, 2005

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 04:49:26 GMT

i wish i never had to go to skool, i hate skool

october 03, 2005

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 05:59:35 GMT

i like him so much, u would even kno, and he wouldnt even kno...

october 2, 2005

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 18:21:21 GMT

man, im scared of sat...

september 29, 2005

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 03:21:34 GMT

im getting over him, i think, cuz i have a crush on another guy, and he knos him, so im not sure if i have a crush on the other guy, or i just want to get over him really badly..it took me a long time, and i still am not sure i really got over him, when i saw him today, i still get butterflies....

*thinking*

september 26, 2005

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 05:39:47 GMT

i was having a pretty good day, until at lunch, he ruined, then the day just continued to get worse and worse...im tired...gosh, i cant wait until all the sat's and ap's are over, and i cant wait until jr yr to be over

i miss band

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 19:55:12 GMT

i went to the football game yesterday, it was awesome, i mean the band is awesome!!　i miss it so much!! i miss elise, bryan, even tucker, lolz. i miss allyson too, i havent talked to her since she transferred. I was at the game yesterday, watching band playing half time, and the old memories just all came back to me, the memories from last year, i miss it so much. But so many ppl quit band this year tho, i dont kno half the bandos...=\

im going back to band next year, but its gonna be different from last year, even tho im going back, he's not going back, i think i miss him a lot, miss spending whole friday nite and whole saturday w/ him. Aad allie, she's a goner now....

but it will all be ok or will it?

skool

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 00:50:16 GMT

skool is really hard, i have so many tutors, mommy said she was gonna fix my skedule, phew, hope it would work out

i hope i do good on tests, cuz i really screwed up on the last several...

"waiting for u to love me, maybe only once is enuff, waiting u to love me, maybe once is forever"

finally

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 23:04:45 GMT

finally its weekends, ive been waiting for this weekend for a LONG time, but i have so many hw, still, its weekends, go weekends!!

sunday!

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 20:42:24 GMT

today is sunday, its september 11th, =], i forgot

ready

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 05:10:50 GMT

school is starting in two days. i dont want to go, but wat can i do about it. so i'll just go to school anyways. classes suck for next year, i jut hope i can get thru it as painlessly as possible. wish u had a good summer, and get ready for school!!

i hope it's a new start for me...

he's gone

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 06:11:28 GMT

he's gone for couple days for summer vacation these days, and i feel...missing him, so much, even tho i didnt really see him a lot in summer, but i saw him online every single day, but now, his just gone, and i dont even wanna be online anymore. im just sitting here and missing him... a lot...buncha...watever...its like we are in love w/ each other, but his not in love w/ me, i just falled for him , ha, stupid me...

still missing him...

school is starting

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 07:08:37 GMT

w00t, school is starting!!!
not excited, and dont wanna go!!